In the autumn of 2008, I was diagnosed with ADHD-I (Predominately Inattentive). At the time I thought I wanted to go to law school, so I was studying for the LSAT. Both my primary care physician and psychologist agreed that I should try Adderall. At first I objected, but then I later decided to take the medication just to see if it would enhance my ability to focus as I prepared for the LSAT.
They started me out with 15 mg of Adderall, and at first, I didn't notice any difference. Shortly after, the chemical did it's thing and I noticed a HUGE difference. In fact, the difference was almost overwhelming.
I first noticed the effect the medication was having on me when I was at the library one day. In all of my life, I had NEVER been able to focus or concentrate on any one thing at a time. I actually used to be jealous of people who had the ability to sit in a library and open up ONE book and concentrate on that ONE book. I love libraries & I love books, but before Adderall, I used to grab six or seven different books, and read them all at once or else I would get bored.
I was nearly knocked over when I found myself staying focused on one book at a time. It just "happened," I don't know exactly when, I just know that I was in tears when I realized that I had the ability to stay focused from one paragraph to another.
Pretty soon, I was reading entire chapters at a time without taking a break to dive into another book with a completely different subject. I know this sounds odd to most people, but this was a GINORMOUS accomplishment for me.
I purchased the Powerscore LSAT Prep Study Guide (Get it if you wanna kick butt on the LSAT), and I totally inhaled it....but there was a problem. Finally having the ability to focus was amazing, but it seemed to go farther than just plain focusing, I began to seriously hyper-focus.
It was CaRaZy. I remember studying for stretches of 12 hour straight, and my mind becoming mad at my body for needing sleep. Eventually, my body would "take" the sleep it needed, and I would wake up and be totally disappointed in myself for falling asleep. Even when I was sleeping, my mind wasn't really at rest. I would have freaky dreams and wake up disjointed. It was almost as though I could not make my brain "power off." Plus, I had this feeling of being "disconnected" all of the time.
I stopped taking the Adderall three or four days before the day of the exam. I scored a 158 on the LSAT, and I KNOW I wouldn't have been able to perform nearly as well without the Adderall. I would never have been able to concentrate on all those exercises that taught me how to master logic games.
Now, I wouldn't have tanked the exam without the drug, because despite my developmental disability, I'm relatively smart, but there is no way I would have scored a 158.
After the exam was over, I decided to discontinue using the Adderall. I didn't like the side effects, I did not like the fact that it is a Schedule II Controlled Substance (high abuse potential), and I especially did not like the fact that the drug was so powerful it could actually "rearrange" my thought processes - When you think about it, that is pretty significant.
That was four years ago. I have since decided law school was not the thing for me, and I have become consumed with naturopathic medicine. Because I am planning to pursue a naturopathic physician degree, I know that I will need assistance in dealing with my lack of focus.
My current plan to try to tame my wild mind is to seek natural alternatives, consistent talk therapy, and diet changes, but ADHD is historically not a condition that has responded well to alternative treatments.
If all else fails, I will get back on the Adderall, and I will make certain to start with the lowest dosage possible and work my way up until I find a good fit....because feeling freaky really ain't all that fun.
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